Lyrics

You may like this jingle or it may not be your thing, but let me tell ya, it took a LOT of work by all 3 of us. probably over 100 emails this weekend, with Luke and I passing lyrics back and forth and Jason mapping out the vocal parts and taking all the sound and steadily mastering every vocal track we sent him while recording his own vocals, and making tons of little adjustments, with everyone pitching in suggestions on every inch of this song. Personally, I'm thrilled with the result. We hope you like it too.

And for God's sake, stay away from the raccoons!!! They're monsters!



Hey, hey lady in Springfield don’t wanna impugn ya
But what kind of cretin takes selfies with a ‘coon, huh?
There’s no excuse for the danger you're courting
You were in diapers when Sinatra sang with Dorsey
Raccoons notoriously hate the paparazzi
And attack you inside out like they’re playing for Trotzy
A gardener with a 12-inch gash was found hysterical
A marauding sleeper cell is stalking your area
Hey, animal control asked him to describe
He wore a Zorro mask over beady little eyes
He was sneakin’ and peekin’, just seeking a feast
“Don’t you know what I am?” A wild freaking beast
Wash the wound five minutes to reduce viral particles
The foolproof way from a Wikipedi-article
Then ya take five shots of an antibody load
Cuz if it goes untreated your brain will explode
An irrational fear of water takes hold
When you start foaming at the mouth you know
It’s rabies!

Dear God, there’s rabies in the house!
It’s rabies, it’s rabies

Well, we’re on high alert, there’s an APB
Calling in drone strikes to the burbs of DC
Rounding up rodents and having them tested
All of Springfield is fully infested
Day or night, appetites won’t abate
Climbing into your trash, using lids as a plate
The picky little eaters only wolf what they want
Leavin’ leftovers like it’s chicken parm at the Palm
Convening at Kilroy’s at the end of June
With the revolution’s infantry of frothy racoons
You know Mr. Tony ain’t messin’ around
So do we go to this thing? With Cujo in town?!
No Satch ain’t attending, Satch, Satch will decline
Not with three shots of Blue and a quart of red wine
Is he dumb? No. Smaht? Yes.
And when I say smaht, I mean smart-mouthed, fresh
So if you don’t know if a critter’s a threat
It’s not like they wear a scarlet “R” on their chest
But if you find you’re sensitive to light and can’t feel your toes
Or swallow your cholesterol meds you know
It’s rabies!

(You’re foamy)

Hey, hey, hey, it’s rabies! (Coons, coons)
Hey, hey, hey, it’s rabies! (Ain’t it foamy now?)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it’s rabies! (Ain’t ya? Foamy? Now?)