Lyrics

He would do anything for cash
Dress like Lindsey Vonn for a few cheap yucks
He would do anything for cash
Come and grill for you for 2 thousand bucks
And he'll never forgive Nigel if he doesn't mention every single sponsor
On every show
He would do anything for cash
even talk about the Caps
Yes, he’d even do that

Would he pick me up in his new Cadillac?
Would he drive me to work and then drive me back?
Would he do it that stupid Pharell hat?

(He might do that, I’m pretty sure he’d do that)

Would he phone it in, would he write columnettes?
Would he have so little shame he'd let monkeys place bets?
Would he complain about being real old?

(He already does that, yeah, he already does that)

I've heard his podcast and I've seen PTI
He seems like a clever and unscrupulous guy
Maybe someday he’ll make Wilbon surprised

He can't do that, noone could ever do...
anything for cash
but he can’t do that

A parody of Meat Loaf, "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"