Lyrics

(Forgot to add this to TK Jingles last June)

WELCOME to the 147th running of the Belmont Stakes.
The horses are nearing the starting gate. First in, on the rail is the prohibited favorite, AMERICAN PHARAOH. All eyes are on him as he tries to become the first horse in over 35 years to win the coveted Triple Crown. Next in is JUNIOR 36, a horse that’s easy to spot because his girth is always cinched very tightly. BEYER’S BEST is next, owned and trained by horse racing legend, Andrew Beyer. And into the post is WILBON’S SURPRISE and HOWARD’S WEED, followed by the horse measuring in as the LONGEST horse in the field, CARVILLE’S APPENDAGE. The number 6 horse, GARY’S MATH, now enters – ah, make that the number 7 Horse. NIMROD is next, followed by a trotter that’s turned thoroughbred, TROTZ, TROTZ, TROTZ. JEANNIE’S EMPTY WINE BOTTLE, appears to be having some trouble – weaving as this filly approaches the gate – but . . . now safely in. Acting quite ornery, OLD ORANGE, is having some trouble getting in, too. Not surprising since, in a display of shear narcissism, his OWNER is on the mount today. They say they BOTH have the emotional maturity of a 3 year old.
All in now . . . and there off! JUNIOR 36 bolts into an early lead with Old Orange right there matching him stride for stride. American Pharaoh settling in at the 3th spot. Carville’s member is brushing against Jeannie’s Empty Wine Bottle as they battle for 4th. They’re tightly bunched after that. . . . with Nimrod pulling up the rear.
At the top of the stretch, Junior 36 and Old Orange are fading fast, AND AMERICAN PHARAOH TAKES COMMAND. Trotz, Trotz, Trotz is staying right with him, only a half a length behind. Howard’s Weed is in 3rd, and showing separation from the field.
HERE THEY COME, spinning out of the turn and down the home stretch. It’s American Pharaoh in the lead with Trotz, Trotz, Trotz just behind.
And . . . angling out, HERE COMES BEYER’S BEST OUT OF NOWHERE AND GAINING FAST. GOING TO THE WHIP, HE MOVES INTO 2nd. HE’S CLOSING ON AMERICAN PHARAOH BUT RUNNING OUT OF ROOM.
COMING TO THE WIRE . . . AND BEYER’S BEST HAS WON THE BELMONT STAKES! Edging out American Pharaoh, with Trotz, Trotz, Trotz in the Show position. . . . Old Orange is finally just crossing the finish line now. And oh, look at that. His jockey is foaming at the mouth. He looks totally gassed.