Lyrics

Based on the idea floated by Tony that he thinks of his show as a club.

Go go go go go go
Go Tony
Name The Rascals
Like it's 1970 you can name The Rascals
Their names never change so you can name The Rascals
I'm not sure what it proves to us that you can name The Rascals

The fact I know you know this puts me in the club
You crush your enemies and you're gettin' free grub
You're at a right angle when you're layin' in the tub
I'm tracking the minutia your life's comprised of

Gettin' ready for a flight taking anxiolytic drugs
Listening to relaxation tracks through your ear buds
Junior's 36 pants are fitting kinda snug
Swiss cheese with lots of holes is tastier than none

I download the podcast it's 12:15
From a digital clubhouse on 980
There's a litany of passwords and secret handshakes
It's epic and classic a veritable Werthquake

Left left right, right right left
Driving on Connecticut a tricycle up ahead
Going 15 miles an hour during morning commute
Pull around and give him the Mister Tony salute

How much can he bench press? It's hard to say
When he's doing bicep curls with 8-pound weights
His son Michael is a golfer handicap is a 2
And he can tell you why Yossarian's a rational dude

He buys a shirt at Lord and Taylor then he's taking it back
We send in Cracked Pepper Triscuits, you can rack that snack
He goes back to Lord and Taylor and he shuffles around
With a coupon in his fist, consternation on his brow

The fact I know all this puts me in the club
You're losing red bocce balls underneath the shrubs
Your nightly nemesis is rooting for the Cubs
The Purple Line is bisecting your country club

You're scaring Anna Kendrick then feeling kinda snubbed
Gilbert dropped a deuce and Baltch's shoes need scrubbed
You're sending Barry Manilow onstage in a huff
Burning Neresetti to the ground, a labor of love.