Lyrics

IF TONE WAS A WORKER MAN, WHAT WOULD HE DO?
AND WOULD YOU GIVE A DAMN IF HE READ YOUR HAIKUS?
AND WOULD YOU THINK HE WAS CHARMING
IF HE WAS REALLY STILL THIS CANTANKEROUS?

AND YEAH, YEAH, TONE IS RICH
AND HE GOLFS WITH THE PRESIDENT TOO
BUT WHAT IF HIS JOB WAS TEACHING KIDS KUNG FU?

WHAT IF TONE WAS ONE OF US?
A JOHN DOE LIKE ONE OF US
CALLING IN TO THE SPORTS CHICKS
FILIBUSTERING ABOUT THE ORCHID

IF TONE WAS A PLEBE, WHEN HE WENT OUT TO EAT
WOULD HE WALK BY THE PALM WITH HIS NOSE PRESSED UP TO THE GLASS
BEFORE HE MOSIED ON DOWN TO SUBWAY
FOR A 6 INCH CHEESELESS SANDWICH?

AND YEAH, YEAH, HE'S A 1%ER
AND THANK GOD HE'S NO ONE'S MENTOR
FOR HIM PTI HATS ARE LEGAL TENDER

WHAT IF TONE WAS ONE OF US?
HAD A DOZEN TOES LIKE ONE OF US
AND BY "ONE OF US" WE ALL KNOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT LINDA COHN
NO SCORE CARDS IN HIS SECOND HOME
NO EMMYS NEXT TO THE COMMODE