Junk (Jump)

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A parody of a song by Van Halen.
A Collaboration by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA & Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Recorded: 01/13/2016  Released: 01/13/2016  First aired: 01/14/2016

Lyrics

My great thanks to the unrepresentable Jason Fuse on BGVs.


I get up
Twice a night with a scowl
I’ve got it tough
My prostate’s the size of an owl
And I know
How to navigate by feel
So I don’t need to flip the light switch
To finish the deal

But then I stub my toe on one of Michael’s Hewlett-Packard email machines
And his sister’s girl scout canteen
And an old tube of Brylcreem

My house is filled with junk
I’m surrounded by junk
In ossified clumps
This place is a dump

Stained ties, a parachute, porcelain cats
A used catheter from 2010
A set of 7 orange traffic cones
And a Culture Club cassette

Well lookie here this is a plastic baggie filled with my children’s baby teeth
Some postcards, and underneath
A cup of skin from my feet

How do we live amongst this junk?
Can someone take this junk?
Why did I ever want this junk?
Why are we saving this junk?

Comments

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  • Tom in Kissimmee FL
    Classic and even today with the loss of Eddie I’m sure he would enjoy it
    1490 days ago.
  • 11sjw in Perth, Western Australia
    Spat my coffee out at "But then I stub my toe on one of Michael’s Hewlett-Packard email machines ." Love it.
    3212 days ago.
  • Wendell
    Hall. Of. Fame.
    3214 days ago.
  • Kj Ohnstad in Red Wing, MN
    I'm also in on the skin. And you had to go back a ways on the Brylcream. What an absolutely fantastic jingle! Nice BGVs too.
    3217 days ago.
  • Mark L
    Safe to say this is a guarantee Top 10 for 2016 Great stuff.
    3217 days ago.
  • mrlip in Springfield, VA
    I'm in on skin. Daniel Snyder may soon consider a name change to the Washington Footskins. Here's hoping.
    3217 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    This describes several things (JUNK!) that I currently have in my basement with eerie accuracy. Oh - And I'm all in on skin.
    3217 days ago.
  • joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
    Naaa, you're not!
    3217 days ago.
  • Brad Weiss in Williamsburg, VA
    Snort. I like the the skin fetish flashback. I know I'm the only one who likes that one, though.
    3217 days ago.
  • Anita from Alaska
    Totally speechless and I haven't even heard the podcast yet. Come December this will be in my top 10 list. No doubt. Let it on the cup of skin line.
    3218 days ago.
  • joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
    Man, so freakin' clever and hilarious. I smiled the whole way....
    3218 days ago.
  • mrlip in Springfield, VA
    Freakin' awesome.
    3218 days ago.
  • Sean Morrissey in Frederick,MD
    Hysterical and sounds great. So good.
    3218 days ago.