Lyrics

AS I WALKED OUT ON THE STREETS OF OLD ROCKVILLE,
AS I WALKED OUT IN OLD ROCKVILLE ONE DAY,
I SPIED AN ORANGE, BALD GUY DRESSED IN WHITE CLOTHING,
DRESSED IN WHITE CLOTHING FOR GOING AWAY.

ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED OR ARE YOU A PREACHER,
I ASKED AS HE LOOKED UP, A SMILE ON HIS FACE,
IT’S NEITHER MY FRIEND, I JUST LIE HERE RESTING,
FOR I’M ENTERED TONIGHT IN THE BICYCLE RACE.

THEN PLEASE LET ME JOIN AND SHARE MY LUNCH WITH YOU,
I HAVE BAGELS,SOME TRISCUITS, AND A LOVELY MERLOT.
I DON’T SUP WITH LITTLES, ON COMMON MENS VITTLES.
IT WAS THEN THAT REJECTION SWEPT OVER MY FACE.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? HE ASKED FOR AN ANSWER?
I KNEW THAT MY GUESS HAD NOT TO BE WRONG,
I THOUGHT,A BICYCLE RIDER WITHOUT ANY HAIR,AND
I BLURTED OUT QUICKLY, ARE YOU LANCE ARMSTRONG?

CHORUS
I’M TONY KORNHEISER A.K.A. MISTER TONY,
CZAR OF THE AIRWAVES AND GOLFER OF NOTE.
IF YOU WANT TO APPROACH ME,YOU MUST GO THROUGH NIGEL
AND SUBMIT A TUNE TO BE PLAYED ON MY SHOW.