Where is the Post? ("Send in the Clowns" idea by Greg Hellman)

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A parody of a song by Steven Sondheim.
Recorded by John Welsh in Somerville, MA
Recorded: 11/09/2014  Released: 11/09/2014  First aired: unaired

Lyrics

[Spoken intro]
This is a song about a lonely old Hydrox eater who spends,
oh, quite a long time each day reading the paper
Till one day it doesn’t show up and he gets peeved.
Whether it's all the papers or just his paper is unimportant.
It's a screwup.
It’s a lovely jingle with words and music by Greg Hellman and John Welsh.

It’s after six.
Where could it be?
I’ve been out here in the rain,
Since 5:03

Where is the Post?

Why is it late? Who are these boobs?
It’s fin’lly gone all to crap, thank you, Raju!
Where is the Post?
Bring me the Post!!!

Don’t want mine last!!!
Change the route if you can
Didn’t you hear me just asking myself
“DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”
Maybe I’ll give the guy a PTI hat.
Or cash money bro.
He might like that.

Don't you love print? It’s dying I fear
I don’t want to read it online, sorry my dears
But where is the Post? Bring me the Post
At least till next year...