Lyrics

Some people call him Satchmo, the bald guy who used to have orange hair. 
Now he just sits a counting, as his plane climbs high in the air. 
He’s medicated and he carries his talismans and amulets,
He’s spoken to the pilots, but it doesn’t help Tony forget.
 
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, he’d rather take a car or a train. 
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, bumpy ride makes him go insane. 
Nothing to do but to keep on counting, 4, 8, 12, he, he’s counting up by four.
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, had his meds now its time for more.

He wears his shirt, that’s meant for flying, yeah. 
Its his, flying shirt, its getting old like him.
He sure hates to fly, he needs a drink, maybe more. 
How his head is starting to spin.
 
He has airline people, to help him muster up the courage to board.
Sets him up in a lounge to, change his shirt and pray to the Lord.
Kent Powell, Jeanie Valentino, Curtis Blessings and Anthony Black,
They do their best but Tony, will never, get himself to relax.

Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, he’d rather take a car or a train. 
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, T-S-A can be such a pain. 
They pull him aside and they stick their hand down the front, the front of his pant.
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, but it makes for a great podcast rant. 

Did he write out his will, leave it all to his kids,
Wait, he blew it all, on a restaurant.
So, he brought ’em on, to work for him, yeah, we’ve heard this before. 
 
He used to work on Monday nights, like his friend Howard Cossell.
But he’s more like John Madden, flying became his living hell.
Wilbon swears by first class, better sit down your ass, and don’t throw a fit.
Mike isn’t surprised, when he takes to the skies, ‘cept that time, that dog took a sh!#.
 
Kornheiser doesn’t, Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, he’d rather take a car or a train. 
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, bumpy ride makes him go insane. 
Nothing to do but to keep on counting, 4, 8, 12, he, he’s counting up by four.
Kornheiser doesn’t fly, well, had his meds now its time for more.
 
Please give him more; Load him up;
He can’t get enough; Somebody give him more.
Please, shut him up; Just give him more.
Change my seat; Get me away from him.