Venus

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A parody of a song by Frankie Avalon.
Recorded by Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Recorded: 10/20/2015  Released: 10/21/2015  First aired: 11/13/2015

Lyrics

Yep, I'm 12 years old. EDIT: Updated the bridge since I finally got around to working out something closer to my original idea for that section.

Uranus is so famous
Mainly for the entertainment that it brings us
If NASA thought their Mars mission caused commotion
Then they should try probing Uranus

Uranus is like Neptune
But it's orbited by identical half moons
And though General Motors shut down Saturn
They'll never close the cavern of Uranus

Uranus, once thought a gas giant
Wilbon is its biggest critic
But he always hates analytics

Uranus can be potent
Often due to all its surface explosions
Magnetic fields generated by orbital motion
The venerated ambrosia of Uranus

Uranus, Uranus
My duty is to you

Parody of "Venus" by Frankie Avalon.

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Comments

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  • ElliotO in Commack, NY
    The "analytics" line finally made sense to me the other day. Well done!
    1433 days ago.
  • Denis in DC
    Best ever no need to be subtle.
    2984 days ago.
  • Kj Ohnstad in Red Wing, MN
    Affirmation, baby! Constant chuckling throughout the whole thing. The ultimate!
    3158 days ago.
  • Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
    Or am I ahead on the podcast? Hampton's confused me now...
    3158 days ago.
  • Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
    I'm behind on the podcast but glad this got air. It is tight.
    3158 days ago.
  • Brad Weiss in Williamsburg, VA
    Uranus for the win!! I just feel bad that I left Uranus out of the Steely Dan tribute . . . not that it would fit.
    3159 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    True, this song is not very subtle as a whole. :) And Hampton nailed it - time is an illusion and every single thing ever happens all at once.
    3159 days ago.
  • Anonymous Little
    Yet another thing that I find hilarious is that you kept anything out of this jingle because you thought it was too obvious!!!!
    3159 days ago.
  • robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
    YES! simultaneity...that explains it! I remember drawing 2-dimensional diagrams of event horizons in my class on Einstein. it was relativity for dummies, kind of. this finally makes sense to me. figures it was Hampton to solve it.
    3159 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    The reason that it aired a month later is because it was so far ahead it approached relativistic speeds. As far as Jason knows, it aired immediately.
    3159 days ago.
  • Dr. Rob in Augusta, GA
    This jingle is numbers 1 through 6 in my top 3.
    3159 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    Thanks! I totally know what you mean, cause I would try to fit 100 jingles in my top 20. I thought about writing that joke as ANALytics in the email... but I thought that was too obvious. Sounded like Nigel thought that was funny at least. :)
    3159 days ago.
  • robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
    top 10 jingle for me (to be fair, I think I have a lot of jingles in my top 10). I don't think they got the analytics joke because THAT is hilarious! they should have been crying. maybe you should have hyphenated it to anal-ytics.
    3159 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    I was very happy they read part of the email with this one, even though they skipped over some of the middle section of "blurbs" I put in from this comment thread. I wanted to hear Tony quote John Fitzpatrick's "What a load of crap!" out of context. :)
    3159 days ago.
  • John Neiswinger in Bel Air, MD
    Incredible. I bet it was fun finding all these jokes. I laughed out loud when he read your email
    3159 days ago.
  • joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
    That was me, ANONYMOUS......
    3159 days ago.
  • Anonymous Little
    How in the world did I not hear this until today????? EPIC HILARITY!!!!!
    3159 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    It's a Jinglemas miracle!
    3159 days ago.
  • mrlip in Springfield, VA
    Uranus finally made the air!
    3159 days ago.
  • Kj Ohnstad in Red Wing, MN
    I don't know what kind of sense of humor you'd call mine but this fits right in with it. Ridiculously funny along with being superbly good. Airtime! Airtime! Airtime! Everybody now!
    3174 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    This comment section has now made me laugh more than the actual song. Maybe one day they'll have Neil deGrasse Tyson on to do a segment and they can play him in with this.
    3175 days ago.
  • robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
    I agree with John 100%. but it's possibly just a bad timing issue. this is a resubmission if ever there was one.
    3176 days ago.
  • John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
    I just ca-ca-can't believe this hasn't aired. Maybe if you had a scat verse. I was certain they would be dropping this in show after show. What a load of crap!
    3176 days ago.
  • Brad Weiss in Williamsburg, VA
    Somehow this captures the entire pointlessness of this inane show, the jingles, the very notion of sports talk. Why are we doing this?! For moments like this.
    3181 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    Ok. (A) What the hell's the matter with you? We gotta crawl inside your head one of these days. And (B) Don't ever, EVER stop! I'm wiping tears away here, Jason!
    3181 days ago.
  • Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
    Everybody in class is laughing their Uranuses off, this must be aired and as John said, aired repeatedly.
    3181 days ago.
  • Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
    I DO think of my self as having a sophomoric sense of humor, so "Uranus" just blows me away. Love it and wish I had thought of it.
    3181 days ago.
  • Anita from Alaska
    I see Jason's wife is out of town again. Love the lyrics.
    3181 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    Wow, I'm floored by the generous comments. Thanks so much! And shout out to Rob for previewing this and convincing me to post it. If it makes you guys laugh, then mission accomplished.
    3181 days ago.
  • John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
    OK, this might be the first jingle to be played twice IN ONE SHOW! TK is going to go crazy about this thing. It might even manage that crossover to PTI that Jerry has often speculated about. Writing, production, performance AND FUNNY are all dialed up beyond eleven on this one, Jason. You should make a sound bite of the closing lines and TK will figure out how to make it his ring tone. Bang, zoom to the MOON (and then to Uranus) for this one JF. Wow!
    3182 days ago.
  • mrlip in Springfield, VA
    So, so good. There is beautiful reverb all over Uranus.
    3182 days ago.
  • robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
    I don't generally think of myself as having a sophomoric sense of humor, but this is the funniest jingle I have ever heard!!!
    3182 days ago.

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This jingle is included in the following playlists:

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