Lyrics

Given my limited vocal abilities, this is the most ambitious jingle I've ever undertaken. Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys? I sound more like Wilson the Volleyball from "Castaway."

But when Tony suggests he'd do a good job picking out potential bad guys as a TSA agent, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Well airport checks are horrible
all you travelers best beware
Cuz the screening folks with the stuff they miss
their attitude is laissez faire

The 95 percent failure rate don’t make you feel alright
But if we put Kornheiser in a glass booth
He’ll keep our airports safe at night

I wish that Tone could work for the TSA
I wish that Tone could work for the TSA
I wish that Tone could work for the TSA

Mr. Tony dressed in uniform
And they’d give him his own badge
He’d say you might wanna check that guy you let though
He seems a furtive sort of man

He’s been all around the airport scene
although he’s afraid to fly
Yeah, but Tony can’t wait to protect all of us
from the terrorists in the sky

I wish that Tone could work for the TSA
I wish that Tone could work for the TSA
I wish that Tone could work for the TSA

by Steve Lipton