Lyrics

Jingle updated with the full "plausibly live" version. Also, this is probably the first time that 2Pac and Tommy Dorsey have been credited together on the same thing.


DISCLAIMER:
This event is in no way associated or affiliated with, authorized, maintained, sponsored or endorsed by Tony Kornheiser, This Show Stinks LLC, The Tony Kornheiser Show, or its producers, or any parents, affiliates, subsidiaries, related parties, officers, directors, employees, distributors, licensees, or serious listeners of Tony Kornheiser, The Tony Kornheiser Show or any of its producers (all of the foregoing, collectively referred to as “Tony Kornheiser Parties” or "The Releasee"). These are independent, unofficial jingles. The bearers of these jingles (heretofore referred to as “The Losers in their Mom’s Basements”) relinquish all rights to the phrase “TK Jingles” and “TK Jingles Live”, and grant the Releasee the express permission to use these jingles in all forms of media in existence, now known or hereafter devised, including but not limited to all eight-track, cassette, disk, cassingle, digital, quantum, digitum, and quantisk formats. These rights extend to all known and unknown periods, epochs, eras, and quadrants of the infinite space-time continuum, whether it be past, present, or future, throughout the known and unknown universe, in addition to parallel universes. The Releasee maintains all rights to this and any former or subsequent jingle in all forms of reality, virtual reality, augmented reality, and any and all other known and unknown realities, ephemeral inter- or intra-planes of existence, nonexistence, both/and existence, neither/nor existence, non-local existence, the non-physical bardo realms, Dante’s 9 Circles of Hell, digesting a Taco Bell Burrito hell, and an eternity of rooting for disappointing Washington, D.C. sports teams hell. Furthermore, these rights are inclusive of all biological and non-biological life and non-life forms not excluding dark matter, other mythical or non-mythical afterlife realms, and shall be enforced upon all successors-in-interest, and heirs, existing and not, inclusive of all biological and non-biological life forms, pixies, fairies, unicorns, minotaurs, and sphinxes. Furthermore, the Losers in their Mom’s Basements agree to pay all legal fees from any and all manner of related claims, known or unknown, of any nature whatsoever, in any law or equity, known or unknown, which any party ever had, has, or in the future will have, against the Releasee. The Losers in their Mom’s Basements agree to allow use of any personal information for public ridicule and embarrassment, mocking, derision, and any and all additional forms of slander to the Releasee. These jingles contain no artificial colors or flavors, and were developed from 100% free-range products, non-GMO, and organic ingredients. These jingles may cause constipation, headaches, slurred speech, diarrhea, chronic hypertension, blurred vision, bleeding from known and unknown orifices, excessive vomiting, anal fissures, minor and major death, boredom, and locust swarms. While these jingles are explicitly responsible for causing the 17-year cicada swarm of the Spring of 2017, the Releasee cannot be held liable for the presence, danger, harm, or otherwise annoyance caused by said swarms. However, the Losers in their Mom’s Basements are fair game for lawsuit by any and all parties for any and all reasons. These jingles have been known to lower your IQ by several points. Please contact a real or honorary doctor should TK Jingles Live last longer than 4 hours. No animals were harmed in the making of these jingles.
Thank you.

TK Jingles Liiivvve!

All the Littles know how to parody
All the Littles know how to parody
Straight from Jason in L.A.
To the table in Jerry’s kitchen
15 minutes in Joe’s basement
It’s Desolation
Desolation

Out on bail, fresh outta jail, straight to TK Jingles
Yeah, the show stinks but maybe I’ll see Kippy Sheeman
Or see Jeanne and Super G and with the
Kickstarter VIP, I can watch from Cillizza’s seats
While they’re takin’ all the songs I used to play and make ‘em die
That Adele song was great, now I hate it (yeah, that’s right)

We could have been Northeast, a disused alley
Where bearded youth bring babies for craft brews and brie
And a sketchy, preppy kid holds a Mickey D’s bag
Of that secret sauce that cures scabies, staph, strep, or crabs

But the Holiday Inn in Crystal City? Forget that
You say these people listen to a talking head? And
It’s like Comic Con with singing? (I don’t get that)
Call security! This crowd’s a red flag!

La Cheeserie-he
La Cheesa - La Cheeserie-hee
La Cheeserie-hee
Calvert Woodley
La Cheeserie-hee
La Cheesa
La Cheeserie-hee
Calvert Woodley

Uh, yeah, uh, uh, Jerry in the house, uh yeah
Fitzpatrick, Joe Aro definitely in the house
Patrick, and Steve hahaha yeah
Hey, you know Shad up in this
Brad Weiss, where you at?
Yeah, KJ, KJ always sounds so great
And Morrissey’s here baby
Brad Weiss, Brad Weiss, where you at?
Anybody out there have a piano?
Uh, yeah



A parody of "Tea for Two Cha Cha" by Tommy Dorsey and "California Love" by 2Pac and Dr. Dre.