Lyrics

I'm not really sure why i did another one of these. Jason wrote and played the guitar part. He crushed his side of this jingle.


10.28.16

Dear diary,

George Solomon’s students keep showing up at my door like I’m the Pied Piper. Hey George, you want me to mow your lawn and wipe you dog’s ass too? Go &%$# Yourself!


12.16.16

Dear diary,

Jaworski sucks at picking games. I keep tryintg to prop him up but this is ridiculous. He watches film 80 hours a week and his picks are worse than flipping a &^%$ing coin! why is he even watching the film? at least the monkey has an excuse. he’s usually three sheets to the wind, and he’s watching Star Wars with Nigel. btw, i just know Nigel dressed up as a wookie at the Rogue One premiere. He probably had Reginald dress up like an Ewok. It’s so hard for me to not mock Nigel every single day of his life about this. and he probably has a toy millennium falcon.

also….NO &@# DAMNED 4% COTTAGE CHEESE AT THE SAFEWAY! the guy there asked “have you tried the 0%? it’s really good.” 0%? are you kidding me? go feed that mortar mixture to the lab rats before you take the urine specimens upstairs.

12.17.16

Dear diary,

i love my kid, and i played it off on air, but where exactly does he get off suggesting i didn’t teach him how to bowl when he was younger? hey, you know what son? i was busy working my @$$ off trying to earn enough money so that you could go to an &%# damned Ivy League school. and then i have to hear “I didn’t get the meal plan, i had to eat at Wawa.” well why didn’t you take a &$# damned gig at the college bookstore 10 hours a week and join the workforce with the rest of us. how about if you keep your Ward Cleaver fever dream to yourself.

also, diary…i had a thought go through my head as i was staring at a wall the other day that all of Sheehan’s weather-watchers were former lovers of his when he worked HIS way through college as a gigalo. i wonder if it would be poor form to ask him if that’s true. that would explain why they’re all fossils.