Lyrics

(Author's note: this was written in September, when Wilbon wasn't letting himself get excited about the Cubs yet because it was still the regular season.)

He's a little bit grumpy
He's never surprised
And those analytics he has always despised
He has lots of money
And he buys lots of suits
He owns more than one hundred pairs of shoes

He went to Northwestern
Filled with Wildcat love
But he can't get excited about wins for the Cubs
He's here on a Monday because that's what we do
He's Michael Wilbon and he's here for you

And you can tell everybody
It's Michael Wilbon
And since we won't pay money
To use Elton John
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That we rewrote the words
But rights are expensive
Or hadn't you heard?