Lyrics

This extended edition is a continuation of something I wrote 2 years ago & was conceived as a fun "new" song for TK Jingles: LIVE 2015. As the show wore on and we headed past hour 3, I ultimately decided to cut this extremely long & self-indulgent tune from the setlist out of mercy to the diehards who were patiently waiting to hear Chaputzvah & WDSTF before heading home.

Well he’s in his late 60s
cantankerous and thrifty
and he remembers when a new car cost a dime
He’s built a cornucopia of grievances and phobias
complains about his enemies and their supposed crimes
Ask me why I listen
Is it a mental condition?
Why would anyone want to hear that kind of show?
Man, I don’t know

He fears bridge driving
and he’s terrified of flying
holds a grudge about the severance
he got from that bum Raju
He finds Google confusing
urban skiing’s not amusing
He’ll get mad if you mention wild ponies
Man, someday I hope I get the chance
to bitch like Mr. Tony

Well he went to Harpur College
and now he uses all that knowledge
to complain about a life you’d love to have
He owns a couple really nice homes
works on TV & the radio
Huh, y'know his life really don’t sound all that bad
Well, he's not on the face book,
In fact, he’s really not much a person of the book
He thinks the purple line’s gonna smash right through his home
even though it won’t

He hates scuba diving
won’t do Vegas buffet dining
He hates Chuck Sapienza but not as much as he hates Raju
Well, you’ll never catch him cruisin’
or at the Browseabout perusing
And he wants to know why every restaurant serves macaroni
Man, someday I hope you get the chance,
To bitch like Mr. Tony

And tomorrow he’s gonna bitch and that’s a guarantee
and somehow we won’t get sick of it
we don’t get sick of it, we never get sick of it, why aren’t we sick of it?

Picture smiling,
and bloggers who think they’re writing
Has he ever told you all just how much he hates Raju?
You know Twitter, he doesn’t get it
and he never uses credit
so when he’s shopping at the Sears it’s straight cash, homey
Man, someday I hope we all get the chance
to bitch like Mr. Tony

to bitch like Mr. Tony
to bitch like Mr. Tony
to bitch like Mr. Tony
to bitch like Mr. Tony

A parody of Tim McGraw, “Live Like You Were Dying”