Lyrics

***ATTENTION PEOPLE COMING IN FROM THE GOLF SITES***:

This song is about Tony Kornheiser's obsession with Jordan Spieth's lack of hair. This is NOT a shot at Jordan Spieth. This website contains songs sent in to Kornheiser's radio show on WTEM 980 in Washington, DC about things that happen ON THAT SHOW. I personally root for Spieth because he seems like a good kid. If you think the song sucks...well, it's hard to fault that line of reasoning. But it's actually a shot at Kornheiser not focusing on the fact that Spieth is a phenomenal player dominating at a very young age and instead focusing on his receding hairline. Thank you for reading this disclaimer.


In case anyone is interested, the background vocals are

Pretty soon he won't
Even need a comb
Hairline screaming back
Pasty barren dome



THERE’S A GOLFER, 21 YEARS OLD
LOOKS LIKE HE’S 40 WITH HIS FAILING FOLLICLES
DOING BATTLE WITH THE VERTIGINOUS JASON DAY
WHO HAS A BEAUTIFUL HEAD OF HAIR, HIS HAT IS TAYLOR MADE
DUSTIN JOHNSON’S HAIRLINE ALSO HEADING NORTH
BRANDEN GRACE AS WELL, WHAT A SAD LACONIC SPORT
MAKES MEN HATE THEMSELVES ‘CAUSE THEY CAN’T GET IT ON THE GREEN
AND 70% OF US HAVE THE ANDROGEN RECEPTOR GENE

HITTING HIS GOLF SHOTS ON THE ALL THE GOLF HOLES
USING HIS GOLF CLUBS HE STRIKES THROUGH HIS GOLF BALLS
AT THE GOLF TOURNAMENT TALKING TO STEVE SANDS
SIGNING SCORE CARDS WITH HIS GOLF HANDS

HE’S WON THE FIRST TWO MAJORS
BALDING JORDAN SPIETH
HE MAY SOON HAVE PROPECIA SPONSORSHIPS
ON HIS GOLF BAG AND HIS GOLF SLEEVES
HE’S RANKED FIRST IN THE WORLD
AND HAIR PLUGS WORKED FOR WAYNE ROONEY
BESIDES, HAVE YOU SEEN RORY’S HAIR?
IT’S LIKE A BRIAR THICKET’S UNHOLY OFFSPRING