Lyrics

PHELPS, HE NEEDS SOMEBODY
PHELPS, NOT JUST ANYBODY
PHELPS, YOU KNOW HE NEEDS A LIFT, HELP

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, A FEW YEARS YOUNGER THAN TODAY
I USED TO CHEER MICHAEL PHELPS SWIM FOR THE USA
BUT NOW THOSE DAYS ARE GONE AND I'M NOT SO NAIVE
NOW I KNOW THAT HE'S A MEGALOMANIACAL CREEP

HELP POOR NIGEL FOR HE NEEDED A RIDE
AND THERE WAS ROOM FOR ONE MORE IF YOU REALLY TRIED
BUT THIS ***DOUCHENOZZLE SAT FORTH AND HE LIED
SORRY MAN, NO ROOM, AND SCREW YOU

NOW I DON'T CARE IF YOU GOT DRUNK AND SMOKED A LITTLE WEED
WHO YOU PAID, WHAT YOU WORE, OR WHY YOU ASKED THEM TO DRINK
BUT IF YOU CROSS MY FRIENDS THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY
AND I'D LOVE TO WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR SUBWAY-EATING FACE

RYAN LOCHTE TELL ME, CAN YOU WIN?
OR DO I NEED TO ROOT FOR THE GERMANS?
THE CHINESE, TURKS, JAMAICANS, OR THE FINS?
LITERALLY ANYONE BUT MIKE PHELPS

****SPECIAL THANKS TO THE PERSON THAT WROTE THE DOUCHENOZZLE LYRIC FOR "END OF THE LINE." PERFECT WORD AT THE PERFECT TIME.