Lyrics

I'm going to buy myself a house down the road from the Browse-About
And I'll take my elevator ride just as long as my cash holds out
And I'll drink my Johnny Walker down, and I'll complain once all the booze is gone
And if my toaster oven starts acting up, I'll have to learn to use a plug.
I'll learn to use a plug.

I'd always been a crabby columnist
And never won those writing prizes!

Full of angst and dread, but there's not much bread
In leaving readers sick and tired

So I thought that instead I might strive
For all those things that money can buy
And ESPN audiences seem none the wiser.

Are you there? Read my mail Mr. Kornheiser!
We've sent our email and our notes, and the occasional Kind Bar
Are you there, Mr. Kornheiser? Read my mail, Mr. Kornheiser!
Don't you care, Mr. Kornheiser?
[fade]

Almost the same as the end of Jackson Browne's "The Pretender"