Big Rock Cocaine Planet

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A parody of a song by Hank McClintock.
Recorded by Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
Recorded: 04/04/2015  Released: 04/05/2015  First aired: 04/06/2015

Lyrics

To the tune of “Big Rock Candy Mountains” by Hank McClintock

One evening as the sun went down behind the 7-11
Through the trash came a crack-head walking, and selling gold tickets to heaven
“For 99 bucks you get eternal life and that’s a bargain, damn it
And with your dough I get to go to the Big Rock Cocaine Planet”

“To the Big Rock Cocaine Planet, on a saucer built for three
God told me of his master plan behind the KFC”
But the Po-Po picked him up real quick, seems the gold wasn’t legit
With pipes and blow, and big cash you know, and a baby alligator and a wife in tow
There’ll be no cocaine planet

[Whistling]

“Though I’ll burn in fire I’ll wear a wire
To avoid the time I’ll drop a dime
And fly to Cocaine Planet”

Comments

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  • Anonymous Little
    Reminded today…of this gem!
    252 days ago.
  • Dick Chicago
    Super clever. With a wealth of laughter
    1118 days ago.
  • Dylan in Los Angeles, CA
    It's truly a crime this didn't make the Final Four... or even the Sweet Sixteen. Life doesn't make sense sometimes.
    2734 days ago.
  • Anonymous Little
    Oh, hey. It's been a year. In other news, somebody tell that goldbricker Kornheiser to get back to work.
    3134 days ago.
  • TipTopTommy in Phoenix
    Almost a year later and this song still pops into my head from time to time
    3212 days ago.
  • joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
    The news that this story is fake surely does not take away from this fabulous idea and wonderful performance....
    3383 days ago.
  • ElliotO in Hauppauge, NY
    I feel like a dad telling his kid there's no Santa... http://www.snopes.com/media/notnews/goldentickets.asp
    3384 days ago.
  • Matt in Pittsburgh
    So glad we got to hear this last night.
    3418 days ago.
  • Stuart in Atlanta
    Two months later and I laugh every time I listen to this - genius!
    3427 days ago.
  • PatrickW in Copenhagen, DK
    This is just amazing. The baby alligator really ties it all together.
    3440 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    When I die, I want someone to tell the gathering that I once made Leon Harris laugh.
    3441 days ago.
  • rob in Pittsburgh, PA
    i just listened to this again last night and it still cracked me up too.
    3445 days ago.
  • John Neiswinger in Bel Air, MD
    Some of my Facebook friends started posting this story YESTERDAY for some reason, so I made sure to give them a link to this song. Still makes me laugh after 2 months!
    3445 days ago.
  • Dick, Chicago
    Cocaine Pkanet makes me laugh without fail.
    3468 days ago.
  • John in Elkhart, IN
    I've been back to listen to this song at least 5 times. Excellent work.
    3486 days ago.
  • Kj in MN in St. Paul, MN
    So after reading this, I know the genesis of the Lucille jingle. I thought I had missed an email from Patrick on the show. Hampton-THIS is pure gold. Way to go!
    3498 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    I figured why not just do it... http://tkjingles.com/1212.a
    3499 days ago.
  • Ray
    This song rules as much as the story. Great work.
    3499 days ago.
  • John Welsh in Somerville, MA
    Orange?
    3499 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    Writing a nonsense song about a fabulous true story embellished to include Kenny Rogers... which was itself prompted by a jingle that was based on an insane story? That's just lunacy. Sounds right up my alley. Now what rhymes with Rogers...
    3499 days ago.
  • Jerry in Annandale, VA
    The #1 jingle of the week, continuing to reel in the praise on Twitter & TK's show. Awesome!
    3499 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    Can you imagine the twitter war unleashed against poor Kenny Rogers if that happened?
    3499 days ago.
  • John Welsh in Somerville, MA
    Or else someone could write a jingle about it, which would instantly set the new standard for "inside baseball"
    3499 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    LOL! Patrick - send that story into the mailbag and embellish it with, "and that friend was Kenny Rogers." It's solid mailbag gold!
    3499 days ago.
  • Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
    Hampton, I had a good friend who became a little inebriated at a wedding jokingly bear hug me and then drop me on a large ceramic pot. He was for some reason singing Big Rock Candy Mountain as he did this. I had to go to the hospital and get a few stitches in the back of my head as a result. I have fair reason to hate this song and yet I fricken love this jingle.
    3499 days ago.
  • John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
    Nager?? ;-)
    3499 days ago.
  • Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
    Seeing a wall of praise from such a murderer's row of august jinglers is the best part of all. Thank you.
    3499 days ago.
  • John Welsh in Somerville, MA
    This is definitely my favorite jingle ever. This is the first jingle that I can see myself "covering" the next time I sit down at the guitar. I laughed, I cried, I hugged my baby alligator.
    3500 days ago.
  • joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
    I'm way late. GREAT JOB HAMPTON!!!!
    3500 days ago.
  • judofuse in Atlanta
    Amazing. I am still behind on the podcast, and after hearing this song I cannot wait until I get to this insane story.
    3500 days ago.
  • rob in Pittsburgh, PA
    i'd wager several people were working on a jingle based on this story. i was gonna go stairway to heaven, then heard hampton's tune and thought "no point in even bothering" because he nailed it.
    3501 days ago.
  • Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
    Way to get air time in the open! So fricken funny Hampton, the story was completelt insane and you captured it perfectly, splendid stuff sir.
    3501 days ago.
  • Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
    Boom - Opening Act!!
    3501 days ago.
  • Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
    Only Hampton could pull this one off! Bah!!
    3502 days ago.
  • John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
    Perfection!
    3502 days ago.
  • rob in Pittsburgh, PA
    first in the clubhouse! nice work!
    3502 days ago.

Playlists

This jingle is included in the following playlists:

Playlist User
All of Hampton Nager's Jingles Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
All the TK Jingles of 2015 Jerry in Annandale, VA
Best of April 2015 Jerry in Annandale, VA
Big Stick in Frederick Serge in Frederick, MD
Favorites ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY
Favorites Serge in Frederick, MD
Favorites Byron in Philadelphia, PA
Favorites steven maloney in White Bear Lake, MN
Favorites Bporcel in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Favorites Jerry in Annandale, VA
Favorites FoxyNutmeg in PG County
Favorites Kj Ohnstad in Minnesota
Favorites jarr2008 in Tennessee
Favorites ths0127 in Melville, NY
Favorites Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
Favorites jarad2112 in Washington, DC
Favorites Lil-Ditty-Know in Space
Favorites eaneumay in los angeles, ca
Favorites moemochi in New York, NY
Favorites perjoel in Philadelphia,PA
Favorites Boiling Eggs in Winston Salem, NC
Favorites Dylan in Los Angeles, CA
Favorites jcollie in San Rafael, CA
Favorites PatrickW in Copenhagen, DK
Favorites kerrytoo in Fleming Island
Favorites Brewerscrub in Chicago , IL
Favorites darkhelmut69 in Fairbanks, AK
Favorites Magelp in henderson, NV
Favorites Mark in Minneapolis, MN
Favorites CocainePlanet in Southport NC
Favorites James in Atlanta
Favorites 3KnuckCoach in Edgefield, SC
Favorites JmanATL in Atlanta
Favorites Crash in Canton, OH
Favorites TipTopTommy in Phoenix
Favorites daubertad in Shenandoah Junction WV
Favorites Irish Jet in South Bend, IN
Favorites Jenny Robbins in Annapolis, MD
Favorites Andy Fox in Arlington, VA
Favorites roboud in New Orleans, LA
Favorites drs_22 in Marlborough, MA
Favorites Jon Nokes in Capitol Heights, MD
Favorites shoota143 in Rockford, IL
Favorites Swingmonalisa in Bel Air, MD
Favorites jeremyjogden in Kennewick,WA
Favorites robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
Favorites HugNi in Auckland, NZ
Favorites dowens16 in Haymarket, VA
Favorites MikeT in Jersey City, NJ
Favorites Jhaal in Montreal
Favorites Florida Mann in Jacksonville
Favorites Rupe45 in Lebanon
Favorites '15 mhaugen in Pelican Rapids, MN
favorites 2 aafrank in Fairfax, VA
Hampton Nager ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY
MFR Favorites rosie814 in Fairfax, VA
My Alltimers List GrofflyOne in Harrisonburg
MY FAVORITES joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Playlist Gabe in Iron Mountain Mi
Rupe's Faves Rupe45 in Lebanon, OH
The Top 25 Jingles of 2015 Jerry in Annandale, VA
This Playlist Stinks! davehughes14 in Wausau, WI