Lyrics

I had been thinking about this one for a while but didn't decide to hit the record button until Spieth came out swinging in the first round of the Masters. After this, and the show replaying Rob's song last Friday, I thought I'd throw out my attempt to add to the balding Jordan Spieth catalogue. Anyway, I recorded this in Aro-ian fashion with one take, trying to get it done quickly. Thanks to Rob and KJ for feedback.


LYRICS

Hairline?

I wish I was a little bit balder
I wish I was a golfer
But my handicap is as crappy as a toddler
Maybe cause my hair ain’t as bare, it’s a problem
An alopecic golfer

I wish I was like Jordan Spieth
He’s in golf’s new paradigm
And you know his hairline sure is shortening
He has made a fortune see but his status
Can’t be just from practice or skill-related sorts of things
It’s his depilated dome
Just like Tony K he has no mane
That’s gotta be why they’re made of dough
And look at Wilbon y’all
He’s friends with Magic and Charles
I’m not surprised that they’ve all gone bald
And that’s no analytics but
Look at their VORP
And by VORP I mean their Value Over Replacement Plugs
Cal Ripken’s peak was on fleek
Y’all see the Hall of Famer doesn’t have a long streak
And King James, I think I found why
You got a crown around the time
Your headband crept past the foul line
Now I see the correlation
Urlacher had an inverse Samson situation
Putin’s bald pate can rule a nation
And dispatch hairy bears with really no hesitation
RGIII’s locks are lavish and long
Yep, I think I see where he went wrong

I wish I was a little bit balder
I wish I was a golfer
With a mean game that brought me fame and some dollars
Maybe I should nair all my hair up there
That would really solve it


A parody of "I Wish" by Skee-Lo