Uber (Sung to Taxi)
Lyrics
Well, it was rainin’ hard in Rockville
I needed one more fare to make my night.
A lady up ahead waved to flag me down.
She got in at the light.
"Oh, where you going to, my lady blue?"
It's a shame you ruined your gown in the rain.
She just looked out the window, and said
“The NBC Studio.”
Everything about her was familiar.
I knew her pretty well once before.
But I don’t think that she recognized me,
And she didn't say anything more.
It took a while but she looked in the mirror,
Then she glanced at my bald and orange head.
A smile seemed to come to her slowly.
It was a sad smile, just the same.
And she said, "How are you, Tony?"
I said, "How are you, Wendy?
Through the too many shows and too many lows,
I still remember you"
It was somewhere back in 2016,
Ragu was named head of ESPN.
And that was the end of the Kornheiser show.
He even killed PTI.
And then, I went over to the Browse About,
And became a front door greeter over there.
And I started drivin’ for Uber,
Mainly down on Rockville Pike.
Oh, I've got something inside me,
She always drove me wild.
I just wanted, one time,
To make out with her, illuminating my tongue.
Oh, I’ve still got that yearning inside me,
But it's not what my life's about,
‘Cause I’m just driving this damn car,
Over till my time runs out.
There was not much more for us to talk about.
Whatever we mighta had once was gone.
So I turned my Uber car into the driveway,
Past the gates on Nebraska Avenue.
And she said, "We must get together,"
But I knew it'd never be arranged.
Then she handed me a hundred even though she prepaid.
She said, "Tony, buy some swag."
Well another man might have been angry,
And another man might have been hurt,
But another man never turned down somethin’ for free.
I stashed the bill in my shirt.
And she walked away in silence.
It's strange how you always know.
But I knew I’d never get what I wanted,
Such a long, long time ago.
You see, she was always gonna be on TV,
And I was on the radio.
She stayed under the footlights,
And I took off for the road.
And here, she's acting happy,
Inside News Channel Four,
And me, I'm drivin’ in my Uber car,
Taking tips, drinkin’ Johnny Blue.
I go flying so high when I do.