Lyrics

Ok, ok. I know what you're thinking. A song about golf by Adele? It'll never work. And it's true, it's a terrible idea, but to be fair, I did steal it. With permission.
Many, many thanks to Rob who took this in just the right way

Where’s the putter that his teammate used to own?
He was twice suspended from the schools for which he won!
It’s quite clear he’s a player with great skills
But often he reports a score that looks like Kim Jong Il’s
Shushed the Euro fans who found him very rude
Even Kj Ohnstad is reviled by his moves
He drops f-bombs, utters homophobic slurs
And there’s no explanation for his horrible pink shirt

The patrons glower when they see him birdie
They make it clear that they’d like anyone but him
The patrons scowl when he fails to rinse it, they have no love cuz
He’s not a hometown hero
Portly Patrick Reed
He had the final round well in hand
And made Rory run and hide