Lyrics
This is my single-take, one-person version of the Hamilton song that I cut from my live set from Jerry's podcast in favor of the Director's Cut version. I was trying to do an abbreviated, spoken word-like version of the song something like Lin-Manuel Miranda's performance at the White House Poetry Jam before the musical came out. But I couldn't find a single good piano-only instrumental track on my Google Machine. Anyway, here it is if anyone wants to listen. Also, just for fun, I tweaked some of the lyrics from the original jingle (
http://tkjingles.com/2135.a ).
LYRICS:
How does an orange, bald man, always full of bombast
A talking head on a local radio show, now podcast
Whose often pontificating one-percenter problems
Also have a show millions are watchin’?
On Long Island, Estelle and Ira had a child and
In the midst of his first cry, he said, “Do you know who I am?”
As a juvenile, couldn’t work the sippy cup when he tried it
He slammed it with a plastic hammer, cried, “That’s it!” and sent it flyin’
He grew guided by a desire to be a writer
So he penned opinion pieces on his teachers just to slight ‘em
His bar mitzvah, kinda insipid and uninspiring
Cause he couldn’t book the Classics featuring Howard Fineman
He found another way to captivate the dollies
His classmates, John Natobe and Richard Pollet
Brent Glass and Peter Lazarus practiced from top to bottom
To get on stage and pantomime “Lollipop” in bonnets
To avoid ridicule he got sent to sleepaway camp
Keeyumah where an older Jew named Larry was the main man
Soon Larry would leave, a theme he would cultivate
“But are you white or blue? Cause it’s ‘the break’
And what’s your name, cat?”
Tony Kornhesier, man
His name is Tony Kornheiser and
Soon he’ll be babblin’
On your podcast, but not broadcast
In high school, Hewlett tended to be academic
But took driver’s ed with Sue, vision hypothetic
Esoteric, then a truck came through at Mach 2
The car door went kinetic, but Susan’s not moved
What followed next was college at Harpur up in Binghamton
Named for a professor of that Alexander Hamilton
The future institution for a guard that dealt the crack rock
But first the alma mater of a goddess at the snack bar
The windows would detach and through the gap would walk a stacked blonde
Tony gawked slack jawed and stumbled back to land on
Pixie sticks, pepsi fizz spraying from their can tops
Crumpled in a sopping pile of junk, but what a bad bod!
In class on biology, Tony had missed the lab parts
He slacked off; the teacher said, “If you know it, then you’ll pass”
He sallied, “Chimps become monkeys,” so that’s how he proved that
And soon the new grad would be a news man
At the Post readers jumped on the bandwagon for his columns
Then Monday Night till Jon Gruden made it awesome
But PTI is where he’s steady raking in the dollars
And me? Just a little that listens to him talkin’
